Shocker: Ted Kennedy, Robert Byrd Sick At Inauguration Luncheon

According to ABC News, Sen. Ted Kennedy collapsed during an inauguration luncheon in Washington, and his colleague Sen. Robert KKK Byrd, was carried out in a wheelchair. Either the two were completely overwhelmed by Obama’s swearing in, or something was put in that food. Regardless, we wish them well.

Good Bye Stephanie Tubbs Jones

Fierce liberal Ohio congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones has died today of a brain hemorrhage. The Clinton fanatic was only 58 years old. Tubbs-Jones was one of the very few Democrats who stood firm against George Bush and his evil policies, so the least we could say is Rest In Peace.

Socialist Ted Released From Hospital

Hooray! Ted Kennedy -- Obama’s favorite white uncle -- has been released from the hospital. We know socialist Ted wants to be alive to see Obama elected as president, and that will happen because he will die when he’s ready to die, apparently.

Senator Byrd Hospitalized For — We Don’t Know

Another one of Obama’s endorsers is in the hospital for whatever reason. Senator Robert KKK Byrd, who endorsd Obama for president two weeks ago, was rushed to the hospital after feeling ill. No word on his condition, but we’re hoping the 90 years old recovering racist recovers, because Obama needs him to win over some of those racist, stuck-in-the-past West Virginia folk. Yeah, we know that’s a really insensitive thing to say, but the guy is freggin’ 90 years old for crying out loud.

Praise The Lord – Socialist Ted Is Alive After Brain Surgery!

Ted Kennedy completed a 3 1/2 hours surgery to remove malignant tumor from his brain, and it was successful. He’s alive! He’s alive! Praise the Lord. He’s alive!

Those Lucky Wesleyan Kids Will Experience The Coming Of Obama

Wesleyan University’s graduating class of 2008 will experience the coming of the Messiah now that Obama will deliver the commencement speech in place of Ted Kennedy, who was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor.

What a perfect match since Obama won the  Connecticut primary. Plus, Wesleyan is filled with  a bunch of socialist lefties who will embrace Obama with open arms. Go Obama, and Go Wesleyan!

Ouch. Ted Kennedy Has A Brain Tumor!

Ooopsie. It turns out a malignant tumor was the cause of Ted Kennedy’s seizure on Saturday. According to the medical community, the super-duper senior senator from Massachusetts only have a short time to live? That totally fucking sucks. We would send him our prayers, but we don’t pray. Get well, Senator.